Managing Thanksgiving Anxiety

Thanksgiving is traditionally a time for family gatherings, feasts, and reflection on what we're grateful for. However, for many people, the holiday can bring more anxiety than joy. Whether it’s the pressure to spend time with politically-divided family members, navigating the demands of holiday expectations, or simply managing personal mental health challenges, Thanksgiving can trigger stress and emotional strain. In St. Louis, as in other cities, holiday anxiety is a growing concern, especially with family tensions and the looming pressures of the season.

This article will explore strategies to manage Thanksgiving-related anxiety, including dealing with family dynamics, the holiday’s emotional challenges, and how to focus on mental health and well-being. Whether you’re planning to spend the day with your loved ones in places like Brentwood, Ballwin, or the Central West End, or you decide to spend it differently, there are plenty of proactive steps you can take to minimize stress and make the holiday more enjoyable.

Autumn and the holidays can change your perspective when the days seem shorter, darkness lasts longer, and cold weather keeps us cooped up indoors. Research shows that clinical depression with a seasonal pattern impacts as much as 6% of the population.

Thanksgiving and Family Anxiety

For many people, the holidays can highlight family tensions. Family gatherings, particularly on Thanksgiving, are meant to bring people together, but they can often lead to emotional challenges, disagreements, and feelings of anxiety. In recent years, political divides have contributed to increased tensions at the dinner table, with some members of the family holding vastly different views on politics, social issues, and even lifestyle choices. Whether you’re dealing with a relative who supports a conservative agenda or another who is outspoken about progressive causes, it’s common to experience friction when different viewpoints collide.

If you're feeling anxious about spending the holiday with a family member wearing a MAGA cap or a relative in a "She Persisted" T-shirt, you're not alone. These political divisions are a significant source of anxiety during family gatherings, especially when it feels like every conversation might turn into a debate. However, it’s important to acknowledge that you don’t have to attend Thanksgiving dinner if the emotional cost is too high.

If you do decide to skip the family event, try not to isolate yourself. Thanksgiving can also be a time to connect with others who might be feeling lonely or disconnected. Volunteering at a homeless shelter or a food bank in St. Louis can offer a sense of purpose and help shift your focus away from familial stress. You could also host a Thanksgiving meal for international students in the area who may not have family nearby. According to research from the National Alliance on Mental Illness, volunteering can help reduce stress and combat feelings of anxiety by fostering meaningful connections with others.

Tips for Managing Thanksgiving Anxiety

If opting out of the family gathering isn’t feasible, or if you choose to spend the holiday with your relatives despite potential tension, there are several strategies you can use to reduce anxiety and foster a more peaceful atmosphere. Below are some simple yet effective tips for navigating Thanksgiving stress.

1. Use the “STOP” System to Calm Anxiety

Mental health expert Hollingshead recommends a straightforward approach known as the “STOP” system to help people manage overwhelming feelings of anxiety. The STOP system can be particularly helpful when dealing with difficult family interactions or moments of stress during the holiday. Here's how it works:

• S: Slow down – Take a moment to pause and slow down. If you feel overwhelmed, stop what you’re doing and take a few seconds to reset. Giving yourself permission to slow down can help you regain control.
• T: Take a few deep breaths – Deep breathing is a powerful tool to calm your body’s fight-or-flight response. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a moment, and exhale through your mouth. Repeat until you feel more centered.
• O: Observe the issue – What’s causing you anxiety? Is it a person, a conversation topic, or the overall environment? Take a step back and objectively observe the situation.
• P: Proceed with a rational plan – After assessing the situation, think of a way to handle it. Can you change the subject, set boundaries, or excuse yourself from a tense situation?

By following the STOP system, you can stay grounded and avoid escalating anxious feelings. It helps to remember that you have the power to control your response in any situation, even during the chaos of a holiday gathering.

2. Set Boundaries with Difficult Relatives

If you’re hosting Thanksgiving dinner, part of your role is to create a peaceful environment where everyone feels comfortable. While it’s unrealistic to expect that everyone will get along perfectly, setting boundaries for behavior can help mitigate conflicts.

One fun and effective approach is to provide a "Rules for a Nonpartisan Thanksgiving" list at each seat. These lighthearted rules can help set the tone for a relaxed and enjoyable dinner:

• No arguments about the best type of pie or mashed potatoes.
• No flipping between political news channels during dinner (e.g., FOX vs. MSNBC).
• No heated debates about controversial topics such as the COVID-19 vaccine or political figures unless everyone agrees to keep the discussion civil and respectful.

These simple guidelines can help reduce the likelihood of arguments or tense conversations. The goal is to make the day about connecting with loved ones, not debating divisive topics.

3. Limit Alcohol Consumption

Alcohol is often present during family gatherings, but it can exacerbate feelings of anxiety, stress, and even depression. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) reports that alcohol can increase anxiety and depression and may trigger panic attacks in vulnerable individuals. According to ADAA, people with anxiety disorders are two to three times more likely to develop alcohol or substance abuse disorders than the general population.

Instead of using alcohol as a way to cope with stress, consider offering alternative beverages that promote relaxation. For instance, herbal teas, sparkling water with fruit, or even non-alcoholic mocktails can provide a calming effect without the negative side effects of alcohol.

4. Create a Peaceful Space for Yourself and Others

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed during a large family gathering, especially if you’re dealing with personal stress or anxiety. Creating a designated space for relaxation can help you manage your emotions. Whether you're in Manchester, Brentwood, or the Central West End, having a quiet area where you can retreat when things feel too much can be a helpful tool for staying grounded. Open Arms Wellness, LLC clinicians can help with discussion therapy, or psychiatric nurse practitioners can help with medications. 

If you're the host, try to set aside a quiet corner or a designated "chill-out" space where guests can take a break from the noise and regroup if needed. If you’re attending a gathering, it’s okay to excuse yourself for a few minutes to get some fresh air or find a quiet room to recharge.

The Impact of Holidays on Mental Health

Holidays like Thanksgiving can place additional stress on individuals who are already struggling with mental health challenges. The pressure to create a perfect holiday experience, financial burdens, and emotional expectations can all contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression. Research shows that nearly 75% of Americans report feeling more anxious or depressed during the holidays. These mental health concerns are often linked to feelings of isolation, the strain of family obligations, and the challenge of managing personal struggles while trying to keep up with the demands of the season.

For people with existing mental health conditions, the holiday season can feel like an emotional minefield. Dr. John Oldham, Chief of Staff at the Menninger Clinic in Houston, explains that the picture-perfect holiday gathering is not a reality for many families. Instead, the holidays can amplify emotional challenges and lead to feelings of loneliness and frustration.

Mental Health Support in St. Louis

In St. Louis, mental health concerns often rise during the holiday season. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), psychiatric hospitalizations for children and adolescents tend to peak during the winter months, including the holiday season. This can be particularly challenging for families with young children or teenagers who may experience heightened emotions during this time.

It's important to remember that support is available. If you find that your anxiety or stress is overwhelming, seeking professional help can make a big difference. Open Arms Wellness therapists in Ballwin, Brentwood, and Central-West End communities offer both in-person and virtual counseling options (314) 329-4326. Therapy can help you develop effective coping strategies and build resilience during the holiday season.

Moving Forward: Creating Meaningful Connections

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be a source of stress or anxiety. By taking proactive steps to manage your mental health and being mindful of the emotional challenges that arise, you can make the holiday season more enjoyable and supportive of your well-being. Even if you choose to spend the day outside of your immediate family circle, there are plenty of opportunities to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Consider volunteering or offering help at a local food pantry in St. Louis. Volunteering not only gives you the opportunity to help others, but it can also improve your mental health by promoting feelings of connection and fulfillment. If you’re open to it, you could even host a small gathering for friends or family that offers a more relaxed, non-judgmental space for people to share in the holiday spirit.

If you decide to stay with your family, creating new traditions—like a gratitude jar or a shared activity—can help bring the focus back to what really matters: connection and appreciation. If tensions run high, remember to use the STOP system, set boundaries, and give yourself permission to take breaks when needed.